I just want to give glory to God for His mercy and love he showed me last month, when I was dragged to a most unwanted place in my mind. Thank God they were only thoughts.

It was the last week in February. When I was at a place, I heard a person saying something. That voice was known to me, but the funny thing was I knew every word that came out of his mouth. It was weird. Though I never thought about it, after two or three days only, the battle began in my mind. Without my knowledge I started thinking about that person. He took the place where I have given to Jesus earlier. A moment didn’t pass without him in my mind. I knew that I should put my thoughts straight. I was doing the 4 steps, and trying to get in to the spirit, a thousand times a day. But I failed very badly. I was walking and talking in the spirit though my thoughts were a big mess.

Earlier... even if I met this person 10 times, I avoided him 5 times, ignored him 4 times and I would talk to him only once. But by now my eyes started looking for him. And I was planning what to say when I met him next time. But surely God was on my side. I never got a chance to speak a word to him.

More than fasting I was feasting on my thoughts and my lent became a disaster... with unwanted thinking. Anyway after about two weeks, at a Wednesday prayer meeting I was really praying and asking God to give me the strength to put my thoughts on the right track because I knew that I was in sin. As you say restlessness is the greatest gift of the HOLY SPIRIT.

Suddenly Jesus spoke to me, in my heart, “YOU HAVE GIVEN HIM MY PLACE IN YOUR HEART. HE DOES NOT KNOW YOUR NAME EVEN, BUT I HAVE YOUR NAME CARVED ON MY PALM.” It was a rude shock to me. Because in my heart I knew that it was the truth.

After that I began to have more control over my thoughts. But on and off I lost it. I wanted to ask this person whether he knows my name... and then again GOD in HIS mercy prevented me from that sin... PUTTING GOD TO TEST. Then the holy week came. With your preaching about the Gethsemane prayer, things started to happen. It was easier for me to pray the 4 steps in Jesus’ shoes (sandals rather!).

That Wednesday I saw a beautiful vision. I opened a door for someone and it was Jesus. HE embraced me and HE let me cry on his chest. And that was the love I was expecting from the person who didn’t know my name. What more can I do other than cry. Isn’t that funny? If we go to GOD first... we can have anything we want at any time. But what a pity that we realize this truth, after going around the same old mountain so many times. Even after hearing so many messages about HIS AWESOME LOVE...

Then the so much awaited 4 step retreat came. I saw my dream boat. In fact I spoke to him. And I KNOW and FELT that my heart has changed in the most awesome way.  In the first praise session itself my heart started repenting for all those wasted days. Both days I cried enough to wash my sins away. At the confession I left everything at God’s feet. I knew that I was a brand new person. More than that.... even before I knew that my heart was changed GOD gave me a task... to change a heart of a total stranger whom I had met at the retreat.

I just want to thank and praise GOD for his love and forgiveness which are much great than our sinfulness. If not... in a world we can easily sin with every thought... there won’t be any room in hell for all of us.